Hot Water
Hot Water
by David Michael
“What’s this, Mitch?” the President asked, as the DVD played. “Porn?” The picture showed a man and woman from the waist up, both facing the camera, both nude, with water from separate off-camera shower heads raining down on them. The woman was talking, the President could see, but not to the man. She faced the camera. That she was reading from a teleprompter was obvious to any experienced politician. “You didn’t interrupt me in here to show me porn, did you?”
The view on screen shifted to include only the woman now–with her perky breasts still conspicuously in frame–and the image of a pharmaceutical “Rx” combined with a cash register appeared over her right shoulder.
“News porn?”
“No, Mr. President,” Mitch replied. “You need to turn it up.”
“She’s pretty,” the President said as he did so.
“Yes, sir.”
The woman’s voice, clear and professionally coached, came through the small speakers of the portable DVD player. “…representative from the drug company explained their decision at a press conference today.”
The “Rx” image was replaced by a talking head, a drug company spokesman the President had a vague recollection of meeting at a party dinner the previous year. “If the American people want the life-prolonging benefits of our drugs,” the head talked, “they need to be prepared to spend a little extra.”
“Ouch,” said the President. “Harsh.”
The view on screen widened again to show both the man and the woman. The man had taken a sponge and lathered up his arms and chest. He leaned into the shower spray to rinse off. “You know what this makes me think of?” the man asked.
“The drug benefit overhaul of a few years ago?” the woman asked, no longer reading from the teleprompter.
“Yeah, that. With its provisions barring negotiation on drug prices. But also,” he went on, “the new laws increasing the penalties for importing cheap drugs from other countries. How many years will that get you now?”
The woman had picked up a bar of soap while he talked, and now she was cleaning her face. “Five, I think,” she said, her eyes closed.
“Right, anyway, I guess now the big drug companies feel cozy enough in their little side office of the White House to drop all pretense about the cost of research and regulatory paperwork. Now it’s just blatant profit motive.”
“Get my back, will you, Clark?” the woman asked, turning. “In international news today, the administration of the United States denied that it had made plans with any other nation to force the newly elected Islamist fundamental government of Palyrtania into poverty and collapse.” She hunched her shoulders to assist the man in his sponge work. Water streamed in little rivulets from the tip of her nipple. “Just like the previous administration,” she said.
“Yeah, Jane, when they floated all those ‘public opinion weather balloons’ about national health care.”
“That’s enough, Mr. President,” Mitch said, reaching for the DVD player. “You get the gist of it.”
The President didn’t hand the player back. He enjoyed the sight of the woman turning back to face the camera. “I’m Jane Sevelle,” she said.
“And I’m Clark Dobson,” the man said. “And we’ll be back with more news from the shower in just a few minutes.”
A flying logo replaced their images. “SNN”, said an announcer’s voice that the President almost recognized. “The Shower News Network–because everything makes more sense when you think about it in the shower.”
“The Shower News Network,” the President repeated as he finally gave the player back to Mitch.
“Yes, sir. They combine regular news with commentary and free association with, well, porn.”
“And you thought this was important enough to show me?” The President’s gaze became a bit less focused. “She is pretty, though. And smart too.”
“Yes, sir. Mr. President,” he added to get the other’s attention again. “They’re growing. Very quickly.”
“They can show this stuff on TV?”
“Cable, Mr. President. SNN has been growing by the month. It’s already carved out a ten percent viewership. The other cable news networks are noticing, and are feeling the pressure to start doing more than just reading the press releases we send them.”
“So this SNN is why my press conferences aren’t going so smoothly anymore?”
“They are having an impact, yes.”
“Have we got a plan for neutralizing them?”
“Yes,” Mitch said, then paused.
“Well?” the President prompted.
“SNN broadcasts from Chicago,” Mitch went on. “And it’s the middle of winter. We figure their bill for that much hot water, hours and hours of shower broadcasts, and huge hot tubs that they use for panel and discussion shows, has to be staggering.”
“They have hot tub shows too? With guests?”
“At first the Senators and congressmen refused to go on their shows, but a few from both parties are now becoming regulars.”
“How come I haven’t been invited?” the President asked.
“You were, but it wasn’t considered…prudent…to humor them.”
“Too bad. So what’s the plan?”
“We hit them at their strongest point, the key to their success. We make it so expensive to heat that much water that they can’t stay in business.”
“That kind of legislation would take months.”
“Not legislation, Mr. President. Energy trading. With a phone call we can make the cost of energy triple or quadruple for them in a matter of days.”
“Won’t that affect all of Chicago, though? All of Illinois? The governor there is one of ours.”
Mitch shrugged.
The President sighed. “Too bad. She is pretty. Make the call.”
Copyright © 2006 by David Michael. All rights reserved.
A Short Story a Day » Best of ASSAD 2006 said,
December 27, 2006 @ 8:02 pm
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